Monday, June 4, 2012

You Should Have Put Your Ring Back On....

I'm out with some of my favorite ladies the other night. We're enjoying our Friday night at a local hole-in-the-wall bar. We were kickin' back a few beers and playing pool. This hot guy waves me over to the jukebox.

I instantly went into prowl mode. I was all excited at first. He was wearing a nice shirt and jeans, great shoes, and a killer smile. Needless to say, I was basically drooling over this fine specimen of manly meat. 

That's where it all goes straight to hell. This guy is so drunk that he's slurring his words with no pause in between. It was like he was speaking in cursive. He wasn't even competent enough to feed the money into the damn machine. I'm a tech-tard and technology hates me, but even I didn't have a problem with that. It took his bills on the first try. 

So I put his money into the machine and hope that's the last I'll be seeing of him. Wrong; I was dead wrong. He later comes to have a little friendly chat with me and my beautiful ladies. During his slobbering, drunken pickup attempt he admits to forgetting to put his wedding ring back on.

Back up a minute....huh?

This is when my friend Jacki comes up with a brilliant plan. From that point on, everything we said to him had the word "ring" in it. I mean, it was hilarious. I can't remember half the shit we said to him, but we ruined his night. 

We asked him where his wife was. He said she was at home. I told him he better go make sure because I wouldn't be. The icing on the cake was when he left not a full two minutes later.

He tried to cheat on his wife and we cock-blocked his lying ass.

I KNOW this makes me a bitch in so many guys eyes right now. And guess what? I don't care. I've been called that word a lot lately, and for things that are not bad. I get called a bitch for standing up for myself, cock-blocking a dog, and saying the things we know everyone else is thinking but are too afraid to say. If that makes me a bitch, then oh well.

All I have to say to him is; you should have put your ring back on that night.


  1. Coming from the point of view of a guy debating divorce... Even though she may build reasons for mis-trust; with or without a ring, until the deed is done one shouldn't 'travel' until all baggage has been properly dealt with and put away. And no, that doesn't make you a bitch. It ensures your life is drama free by not being the 'other woman'

  2. Daniel,

    I understand your frame of thought. I know this guy didn't jump ship, but he seemed awfully eager to do so. I'm not a cocky bitch, but I know that if I wanted to, he would have wound up in my bed that night. He would have EAGERLY wound up in any of our beds. Just because it didn't happen with us, doesn't mean it hasn't happened.

    I appreciate you playing Devil's advocate, b/c I know how hard your situation must be. Although I have never been married I was tempted to cheat on a fiance. I waited to move on until everything was said and done. If you promise to be faithful and bind that by a legal contract, you better do it, or you're just a dick.

  3. I have to say that this poor chap had to get so drunk he could barely function to try anything on at all. If you think you or your friends whould have slept with him in that state then that's more a reflection on you guys. He, like anyone else that drunk should have been pointed in the direction of the correct traffic home, or found a safe sofa to crash on. Any sleeping with should maybe happen once there was a bit more getting to know you, rather than once we've both puked.